finding my madeline

2008-09-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

Terms & conditions!
1. link the person who tagged you: John (sorry, no clue how to link)
2. mention the rules on your blog: (these are them)
3. list 6 unspectacular things about you: (see above)
4. tag 6 other bloggers by linking them: I don't have six to tag, so if you aren't tagged, feel free!

Here are my six things:

1. I don't wash my coffee mug between cups or pots. Normally it bears traces of many coffee rings. I'm lazy. What can I say?

2. I knit. In fits and spurts. When I'm in the mood to knit I knit a lot. Otherwise I think about knitting a lot. I have tons of knitting magazines that I periodically pore through and look at patterns in. My tastes change frequently!

3. I have a TON (I use that word purposefully) of yarn in my basement. I bought most of it on sale and intending to do things like, say, make my daughter tons of sweaters. As it turns out she's not much of a sweater person so I've not bothered. I need to find other usese for the yarn or give it away. Seriously, bags and totes of it. Tons.

4. I think about writing all. the. time. It drives me batty, especially since I'm so braindead lately that I don't seem to be able to write anything of worth (maybe that should have been number 4!). It's one of those things you never truly learn to live with. I savour words (I'm Canadian so I get to use that u) like other folks savour a cigarette. Frequently and with gusto.

5. I use large words when I speak and sometimes even when I write. I always have. As a result there are a lot of people who didn't understand me as a child (hell, even sometimes as an adult!). See above about savouring words.

6. I'm a very lapsed Catholic. I have to say I still love the pomp and circumstance of Mass, but I'm just not a believer that God cares about whether or not I go to confession or show up every Sunday. I try to make every day a little bit holy and prayerful. I might be a fool for thinking that's enough, but right now it works for me. Mostly. That Catholic guilt will get you!

How about you?

2006-11-01T17:01:00.000-08:00

After much waiting, the day is finally here! My chapbook has arrived... er been released... er well, it's finally up at Lily!

Go check out:

http://lilylitreview.com/princechapbook.pdf

and see it for yourself. I'm pleased as punch. Lily (and Susan) have been wonderful to work with and should be commended for their commitment and care. I'm so happy with what they've produced. Muchos thanks! And thanks to everyone (John especially!!) who helped inspire the many poems and kept me going through the whole process.

Slainte!

2006-10-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

XXII.xxx

Well, I finally did it - 360+ poems in just over a year. *phew*

2006-10-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

XII.xxiii

I'm within spitting distance of XII.xxx.

This has been such a fraught round for me. I'm not enjoying the writing much at all, and it shows. My offerings have been lacklustre and wanting. Sadly, they're about all I can manage to raise myself to right now.

I made a committment to write a year of daily postings - this aside from the 30:30 pieces. I'm on day 172 right now. Not quite halfway through. It's been a rough ride, though at least I can stick prose and rewrites in there and I am not obligated to 'comment' on anyone else's work. Still, the feedback that 30:30 gives is a really big help on the tough days.

November 1 is fast approaching. My chapbook will be up then. I'm excited! Well, as excited as I've been able to get this past month (lots of that weather induced depression stuff going on here).

More details once I have them.

2006-08-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

Pleased to announce...

...that my bio can now say, "as well as, "Sign Language and Other Hand Signals," Lisa Prince's upcoming online chapbook from Lily Literary Review.

Isn't that just the greatest news? I'm so chuffed I think I could explode! It's a free downloadable pdf format, but it won't be ready until November (I'll remind you again, no worries!).

*dances*

2006-08-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a month, now.

I sent the 'chapbook' off with my best wishes and high flying nerves. Now all that remains is to wait until I hear back. And, when you know, I'll know. Er.. you know what I mean.

I've started round 11 of 30:30. Insanity, I know. I haven't been editing or subbing. Bad me. But, I have been reading a lot more, including poetry books. It's a mixed bag, that. What doesn't bore me will make me better - right?

I'll make more of an effort to keep updated here.

Ta!

2006-07-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

So.

New developments in my writing life: I am currently trying to put together a chapbook. Keeping in mind that this is an idea still in its very infancy, it may not come to fruition, but I'll keep you all updated as I can.

Needless to say, I'm stoked!

2006-07-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

Wow. Day one sans 30:30 production and already I miss it. It doesn't help that the first poem I started editing refuses to fall into shape. John or perhaps Steve would say 'set it aside and let it percolate'. I could. I could, but it's the first I've set my hand to in some time. I'm sure I'll manage.

I took June 2005 and printed the lot. Two of those are short - short enough that it isn't sensible to really edit them. I doubt they'll find a home, but I can always keep my eyes open. The rest I could probably sort into types - singular or multiple tags so that when I run into places looking for certain types of poetry, I can drag my bits out.

I knew editing would be hard. I had hoped I'd manage one a day - a modified 30:30 if you will, a revision a day. You know how it is.

On other notes, the small girl child is driving me nuts.

I finished Fall on Your Knees two days ago - 700 pages. *whew*

2006-07-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

A Day in the Life

I finished Alias Grace this week - what a strange tale. I didn't know until the very near end that it was based on a true murder, but that didn't detract at all from the reading. I'm finding myself terribly immersed in Atwood of late, which isn't a bad thing. I picked up some more of her at the library, as well as Fall on Your Knees which already promises to be a good read. I'm doing more of that lately, as difficult as it can be, and am now utterly convinced that I don't know enough to write. Do you know how thoroughly humbling that is?

I need to write more. Prose and poetry. My prose is suffering highly because all I've focused on in the past years has been poetry. Seriously, over 270 poems in the last year alone. That, my friends, is a hell of a lot of poetry. And none of it polished. I can't seem to find time to read boards, comment /and/ hone my poetry. It sucks because I know I need something to move myself to the next level and I don't know what to do. I'm taking suggestions for reading lists if anyone has any. How do you all deal with it? Your lives have to be busier than mine and you seem to be able to cope?

John, bless his Zen socks, is sending me some used poetry books. I can't tell you how much this is tickling me pink. I like pressies!

Today was X.20. Ten more to go for this round. I suspect I should be hogtied and forced to edit instead of doing another round. The trouble is that my brain goes like this: I mod the forum, therefore need to comment; if I am commenting, I might as well produce; if I am producing, I am not editing; if I am not editing, I am not sending stuff out. Never mind if I am commenting in 30:30 I find it hard to comment in critique forums. /whine

2006-07-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

Insanity!

Well, not exactly. But I did submit to Hiss. Blame John ;)

2006-06-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

X.1

So, the insanity continues.

It isn't so much that I /want/ to do another round of 30:30, but for some reason I feel like I'm obligated to finish out an even 300 at the very least. From there, we'll see. And, I'm thinking I'll aim for a little more introspection with this 30 - see if I can't dig deeper into myself. If something is missing from my writing and my life, maybe it's me. Of course, talk to me in a week and see if we're still feeling good about this whole decision ;)

2006-06-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

IX.30

lessons in surrender

with a nod to Michi for the title

2006-06-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

Something is missing in my writing - I don't know what it is.

For a time now I've been struggling to bring more to my words, but with no luck. I feel like half a picture at times - you can guess at what should be there, but there really isn't any proof that you're right. I put words on the paper. I can sense the depth beneath them. I just can't reach that space. It is, quite frankly, driving me batshit.

Tomorrow is IX.30. My current dilemna is what to do next - see, I made a promise to a friend to write a poem a day for a year - though I've amended that to editing older pieces and writing prose bits. Neither of which I can do in 30:30... but I'm feeling so drained by the 30:30 process. I checked - I finished round one on July 23, 2005. I could theoretically do another round (thus ten in a year - which is 300 days + sundry false starts). I could, but I'm tired. I just don't know how much commenting I'm oblidged to do if I'm not writing there (I'm moderator, see)... as that takes up a lot of time and energy.

Goal: To submit places by the end of July. Any readers have any suggestions? All will be welcomed.

2006-06-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well.

The last couple of days have been moderately fruitful as far as writing goes. I have to be thankful for that. I really am feeling like I'm ripping my own toenails out or something trying to find a bit of inspiration. Well, maybe not so painful as much as just utter and bleak emptiness. I think this writing gig is just an unusual method of self torture we've devised for ourselves. Very sado-masochistic. Here, stab yourself in the eye with a pencil. Do it again! Any other gig we'd say 'wtf? I am out of here!'. Anyways, I digress. I've gotten two pieces out that are decent enough. I'm pleased.

Only eight more to go in this round! Thank the heavens.

2006-06-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

Alas poor Muse.. I knew her well..
___________________________

I've been bemoaning the loss of my muse in the latest 30:30 round. I suppose I can be forgiven knowing that I'm on my 9th round, but I'd rather have inspiration and a grudge if you know what I mean.

But it brings up an interesting question: when you write, how much self-editing do you do?

See, what I'm finding is that I start putting words to paper (or screen as it happens) I find myself stopping before I put a word down and replacing it with something else. Or rehearsing a line until it fits the space. And then other times I write in one great long stream that just seems to have those choices made without my conscious awareness.

I think about it alot, though - how writing becomes. Am I better at it than I was because I don't do as much hardcopy editing as I used to? Or have I just given myself delusions of capability?

How do you know if you're getting better or not? And where do you go to get better? (Okay, be honest... how many of you are snobby and already graduate your opinion of crits and such based on who gives them?)

So many questions, huh?

2006-06-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

The Slow Downward Spiral
______________________

(Forgive lousy formatting. No clue how to get 'titles' here)

So, today everything feels half-edged weepy. It could be PMS (tmi?), but I suspect it's more the other as I've felt it creeping up the past week. Little things keep setting me off. Something doesn't work first try - the prickles of tears settle under my lids and don't so much as threaten to fall as remind me that I'm always *this* close to falling apart. After all, it isn't so much feeling that I'm ready to cry that worries as the fact that behind that is a wash of so much more that I have no control over. So far, no crying. I feel like clouds that hang heavy and threaten rain for days on end until you pray that they would just do it and get over it already.

2006-06-03T18:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hate when I sit down to write and what comes out isn't what I had in mind. There's a certain amount of .. hesitation? Verbal constipation? Something-like going on.

That said, IX.10 today. A piece called worms - though it isn't what I'd intended at all. See, I've been thinking about growing up, and in particular visiting with my grandparents when I was young. I feel like I want to write something about that. Tonight, though, when I sat down, nothing would come. All I could think about was the stupid rain outside - three days now. Even writing about worms didn't work as I'd intended. I'd meant just to write about them simple; instead they became something else. And I wonder how often that happens to other people, and how they deal with it.

Do you school it in? Force some sort of guidelines upon it? Or do you take it as a sign from your muse that maybe there is something else going on that you need to give credit to.

Sometimes I think I know nothing at all about writing.

2006-06-01T19:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, two months since the last update.

I've been fairly quiet both here and on lj. I think part of the problem is that I'm a bit of a down cycle and don't really have much to say. My writing has been struggling dry for some time now - I really hope that isn't some side effect of the meds I'm on (*dies*). Who knows anymore. I find I /want/ to write - I just don't seem to have things to put down on paper, or on the screen as it may happen to be. Still, I'm in round ten of poem a day. EEk! That's a lot of poetry. (could also be a reason for the dryness) I need to attend to more editing and sending out. ...so if you have good places for me to submit to, let me know!!!

The heat seems to have broken for now so I feel a lot more human. That and my new fans are helping alot. How is eeryone else?

2006-04-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

Shortlists for 2002-2006

2006

Deafening, Frances Itani

Cocksure, Mordecai Richler

Three Day Road, Joseph Boyden

Rooms for Rent in the Outer Planets: Selected Poems, 1962-1996, Al Purdy

A Complicated Kindness, Miriam Toews

2005

Beautiful Losers, Leonard Cohen

Rockbound, Frank Parker Day

Volkswagen Blues, Jacques Poulin, translated by Sheila

No Crystal Stair, Mairuth Sarsfield

Oryx and Crake, Margaret Atwood

2004

The Love of a Good Woman, Alice Munro

Green Grass, Running Water, Thomas King

The Heart is an Involuntary Muscle, Monique Proulx

The Last Crossing, Guy Vanderhaeghe

Barney's Version, Mordecai Richler

2003

Next Episode, Hubert Aquin

Sarah Binks, Paul Hiebert

Life of Pi, Yann Martel

The Lost Garden, Helen Humphries

The Colony of Unrequited Dreams, Wayne Johnston

2002

The Stone Angel, Margaret Laurence

Whylah Falls, George Elliott Clarke

The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood

In the Skin of a Lion, Michael Ondaatje

A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry

More information can be found: http://www.cbc.ca/canadareads/

2006-03-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

Spring has reared it's ..

No, no. That's not going to work.

So, I've started reading Jack Hodgins: A Passion for Narrative. I'm also midway through Stephen King's: On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. The two are quite different. I have to say I haven't read anything of King's before, but the book is an interesting read, and has decidedly given me a thing or two to contemplate. Passion comes from a slightly different angle, and has activities for the reader (nope, haven't done any yet). It's a much more focused book. I like them both, but neither touches Natalie Goldberg and Writing Down the Bones.

So, what do you like to read to hone your skills?

2006-03-20T11:41:00.000-08:00

Life is going to be interesting in the next while.

A friend has been trying to motivate herself to write for some time now, specifically a novel that she's had floating around in her head (gee, I wouldn't know anything about that.. hahaha). So she decided to issue a challenge of sorts: twelve weeks, one novel. A sort of modified Nano challenge as there isn't a specific word count issued, and it is longer.

I have an idea that might work. Or I might break out one of the two fantasy novels that haven't been very helpful up to this point.

I still intend to polish more of my poetry and find it homes. This is a huge challenge for me, not only because I'm shy, but because the sheer amount of organization that this takes is really difficult for me. I have a notebook where I've written addresses, what's been submitted and when, and whats been accepted and where. However, as I write this I realize I've misplaced this notebook - not an easy feat, it is a large book with a hard cover. See? This is a statement on the state of my life.

I've started round VII in 30:30 again, gads this must be about the fifth or sixth time now. Really I'd rather just write poems, plop them there, and number them for a yearly count - to hell with missed days. Sadly I must be the voice of reason so that nobody else points fingers and claims that I'm not playing fair.

How about you?

2006-03-13T21:31:00.000-08:00

*squeee*

I submitted some poems.

Why didn't someone tell me I'd feel this nervous??

2006-03-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

Well, the editing seems to be going ahead full steam. I'm still of two minds about the whole process, trying to decide if I like it or not. It really is a different sort of approach to writing. My goal is to get the handful I picked at random ready to send out into the world. I think I have a grouping of three I'm going to try at Lily. Gee, aren't I getting brass ones?

2006-03-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

My editting brain and my creating brain don't exactly communicate. This has been brought to bear in the past 24 hours where I went through four versions of a poem and couldn't come up with a daily poem to write. I have this half urge to just put the editted ones into the 30:30 and be done with it. Folks might stir, though.,

Natalie Goldberg remains one of my favourite authors on writing (yes, John, I used that extra u! There will be no dalliances between o and r in my writing!). That said, I started a book I've been intending to read for some time now - A Passion for Narrative, by Jack Hodgins. I haven't read far enough to know what I think of it, but I know a goodly number of folks who swear by the thing to imagine it worth my while. I'm almost done Stephen King's On Writing: a memoir of the craft (don't sue me if that title is wrong, it's off the top of my head).

I think a large problem I'm having lately is this crisis of faith I keep speaking of. I read my writing and read other people's writing, and I really wonder how to compare what I've done. Now, I know intellectually that I can't compare in the strictest of senses - we've all got our own voices. What I want to know, though, is that mine is strong enough to hold it's own. I did Nano last fall and all I can think is I've produced a piece - a rather large piece - of drivel. Do others read my work and have the same insecurities? In the end public or peers shall decide. I don't want to know I suck, which probably indicates a fear of failure.

Writing is exhausting. I know many people who can't understand that. They go to work, they come home, they watch television or crank their tunes, but they can't understand how this simple act of communication can suck the life right out of you. I often say I try for a body feel when I write. When I'm in the moment, I can feel it - it's a breathless, bouyant state where I am little more than a cipher for the words.

Some years ago now I sang in a mass choir at a local performance centre. It was terrifying nad exhilarating all at once to be up on stage in front of all those people. There was one song we sang acapella, leading in to an instrumental piece. I remember how, if we did it right, the last notes were so resonant that it felt like you might pass out if you couldn't sit down right then when the orchestra came in. /That/ is what writing is often like for me.

How about you?

2006-03-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

So it seems that blogspot is where all the poets are. I feel compelled to write intelligent and poetic bits and pieces in self defence! Actually, it is hard to find a captive audience for those sorts of things. Gods but I'm missing university right now.

Back to the topic at hand - two things I need to do: 1) network (another thing I suck at) and 2) submit!

I'm trying to be braver. I need to polish stuff up first. Does anyone but me look at their old work and think "Gah, what shite!"? How do you deal with it?

2006-03-06T18:50:00.000-08:00

These are my hands

These are my hands father,
I can hold them before you.
I can press my palm to your own

but only in my mind.

I have come here often
searching for you, torn with want.

I want you to be here.

I need you to be here.

I need you to be

These are my hands, father.
Not so strong as yours.
They craft and fashion this poor substitute
for you.

There are fingers on each hand
and I have counted them over and
over again. Their number
does not change.

I will tell you a secret:

they do not number even near
the times I have tried to write this pain.
Even were I to take your hands
within my own, and count
again, again

again.

So I take these hands,
these hands that have known you
only in reflection

and I write
one word after another
as though I were committing fingerprints
to mind.

These are my hands.

-LAP 03/06/06-

2006-03-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

Hey, John?

On your page you've got a list of blogs - how did you do that? And how do you comment on a comment (I am so blogger impaired).

And if you want to see lame, http://liadra.livejournal.com

Some of it's protected.

2006-03-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

This Blog's for You!

Well, for Susan anyway. I do most of my actual journalling over at livejournal, under the same name, though I have to admit that lately I've been a very lame writer, putting practically nothing of value to word.

So, what would you like to see here?

2005-09-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

I'm never quite sure how to start these things. I feel like I did back in school with the teacher pacing about the classroom and peering over random shoulders. Will my grammar be okay? Will my lines be neat enough? Whatever will I say?

Time will tell, I suppose.